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Saturday, November 21, 2015

Study reveals that overly-sensitive Christians need to drink more coffee

It seems that every time we turn around (about 5.4 revolutions per day on average), an atheist or an American Christian is offended at something. At the rate of 5.4 offenses per day, it's hard to find things that are truly offensive, unless you're overly sensitive, or just wanting to stir up crap to get attention.

To sensitive atheists who suffer from crossophobia, this is all I have for you,

The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” (Psalm 14:1)

To oversensitive American Christians, "Relax, and have another cup of overpriced, burnt Starbucks joe in a bright red cup."

Starbucks attempts to dethrone God

Starbucks recently rolled out their solid red holiday cups. Former pastor Joshua Feuerstein posted on Facebook, "Starbucks REMOVED CHRISTMAS from their cups because they hate Jesus..."

Image result for Starbucks red cup image
The Devil's cup
This got the controversy going and became national news. I realized instantly that this was headline stuff. You know, the really important things that Matt Lauer talks about on the Today show.

Fortune Magazine said, "This has outraged many people who see the move as an attack on Christianity."

Persecution by red paper cup? I wonder how Christians in China and Muslim countries would react to this severe treatment by Starbucks? They would probably enjoy a red cup full of Starbucks from their musty, cockroachy prison cells.    



Survey shows that coffee drinkers hate Jesus  

In an official statement, Starbucks said they do hate Jesus. And their solid red cups are an attempt to make Jesus and His Father feel bad, in the hope that They'll just leave us all alone so we can do our own thing.

Image result for Talib eye poke
Talib's two-finger technique is very potent
Most people who hate Jesus used to hide in the shadows. Now they're easy to spot. They unashamedly drink from the Devil's cup. If you really love Jesus, when you witness this blasphemy, you'll slap the cup clean out of their hand, then poke them in the left eye using the Aqib Talib technique.

Sources say Starbucks intends to release a new line of cups around the theme of "Hail Satan." But they are waiting until God throws in the towel and announces His resignation.

Jesus was unable to be reached for comment.

Why sensitive Christians need to unbunch their panties

God is firmly on His throne. God is not going to get knocked off His throne. The world does hate Jesus, and He's well aware of this fact. He said,

18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20 Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed My teaching, they will obey yours also. 21 They will treat you this way because of My name, for they do not know the One who sent Me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin; but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 Whoever hates Me hates my Father as well. 24 If I had not done among them the works no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. As it is, they have seen, and yet they have hated both Me and my Father. 25 But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: ‘They hated Me without reason.’" (John 15:18-25)

But the world's hatred for Jesus won't stop Him from eventually leading all people to repentance and a harmonious relationship with Him. That's the power of Jesus and His love. Some of us have experienced His power and love and are now His friend and part of His family. He turns His enemies into His friends. And every single one of us start out as His enemy.

For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! (Romans 5:10)

Can't touch this


If Starbucks sells a billion red cups of coffee, God will still be on His throne.

If the government takes away the church's tax-exempt status, God will still be on His throne.

If your local school doesn't sing Christmas songs during the "Holiday Concert," God will still be on His throne.

If the government says that only homosexual marriage is legal, God will still be on His throne.

There is not one thing that humanity can do that will knock God off His throne or change Him. Heck, they killed His only Son, and look what He did with that - paid for every single sin of every single person.

Ask God to show you how to wisely spend your time and effort 

If you are a follower of Jesus, you need to do what God has called you to do. And if God has called you to stand up against Starbucks because they "attacked" Christianity, do it well.

But realize that our enemy (that's the Devil, not Starbucks) often sends deceptive distractions our way to keep us from doing the more important things God has called us to.

Christians need to realize that this world is not our home. In 1 Peter 2:11, we're called "foreigners and exiles" in this world. We currently live in a foreign world that hates our Savior and His Father. But God has something way better for us. Someday He'll take over this world and make all things new, including all people. Until then, we'll just have to strive to be His faithful representatives on this earth.


Put your trust in God, not man

Does God need us to defend Him? No. He knows exactly how to deal with all situations and all people.

People are going to offend you. And you'll probably offend someone yourself. Unfortunately, that's one result of being in a fallen world.

The world we live in has been flat on its face in the mud since the fall of man. One by one Jesus is lifting us up and cleaning us off. And He will eventually lift all people out of their fallen condition.

Until then, it's going to be ugly. But the "ugly" isn't all "out there," simmering in red coffee cups. The ugly looks us straight in the eye every time we look in the mirror. Though some of us have been picked up by Jesus, we're still incomplete and we do sin.

When Jesus makes all things new, Starbucks will put snowflakes back on their holiday coffee cups. Until then, trust Jesus and His Father and unbunch your undies.


P.S. Here is one of my favorite Bible passages showing God's perspective when people try to dethrone Him:

Psalm 2

Why do the nations conspire
    and the peoples plot in vain?
The kings of the earth rise up
    and the rulers band together
    against the Lord and against His Anointed, saying,
“Let us break Their chains
    and throw off Their shackles.”
The One enthroned in heaven laughs;
    the Lord scoffs at them.
He rebukes them in His anger
    and terrifies them in His wrath, saying,
“I have installed my king
    on Zion, My holy mountain.”
I will proclaim the Lord’s decree:
He said to me, “You are my Son;
    today I have become your Father.
Ask Me,
    and I will make the nations Your inheritance,
    the ends of the earth Your possession.
You will break them with a rod of iron;
    You will dash them to pieces like pottery.”
10 Therefore, you kings, be wise;
    be warned, you rulers of the earth.
11 Serve the Lord with fear
    and celebrate His rule with trembling.
12 Kiss His Son, or He will be angry
    and your way will lead to your destruction,
for His wrath can flare up in a moment.
    Blessed are all who take refuge in Him. 

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